Sam and I live! We have no electricity, and may not for another three or four days. We have no internet access without getting in the car and driving to sit outside a convenience store, looking like a couple of potential thieves casing the joint. (As a criminal, Sam has the perfect costume, for who … Continue reading Meanwhile, Back in the Beginning of the Last Century . . .
Next month I’m being awarded a prize, the Community Service Award, from the Turkish Cultural Center in Manchester, at their annual Friendship Dinner. I’m honored. I’m pleased. I’m flabbergasted. My first thought was they had the wrong man, but since they’d sent the invitation to my post office box in Pittsburg, that seemed unlikely. According … Continue reading “But He’s a Muslim”
From the age of two until six or seven, most of us find two subjects both fascinating and hilarious. Those two subjects are poop and pee. Toilet humor is humor period for the post-toddler set. Most of us also move on from this phase, and don’t talk much about defecation and urination, and are … Continue reading Number One, Number Two . . . I pray there’s no number 3
A very bad thing happened to me a long time ago. Because of shame and guilt, I turned that pain into a joke—“Can you believe the crazy situation I got myself into?” Over time, that bad thing was like a piece of gravel in a hiking boot. It was small, or so I wanted to … Continue reading Therapy and Feet: A Celebration
I’m not sure how one goes about declaring the discovery of a new disease, but I imagine describing its symptoms comes near the front of the train. The other night, sitting in a meeting, I mentally coined a word, alcohypochondria. While playing with the pleasing sound of it, I realized I had hit the triple … Continue reading Alcohypochondria–You Saw It Here First!
I am a straight man who loves old Broadway musicals. This may not qualify as an oxymoron or a paradox, but a meeting of similar people in my county could probably meet in a minivan. Part of this love can be attributed to my upbringing. My mother belonged to the Columbia Record Club and at … Continue reading Hap-Hap-Hap-Hap-Happy Talk
I used to be addicted to heroin. I am addicted to heroin. I will always be addicted to heroin. Verbs melt and blend and lose their meaning when talking about addiction. And so does life. No matter that I have not been physically, medically, existentially addicted to heroin in decades. Once you’ve found the way … Continue reading Three-Dimensional Russian Roulette
Bob Hunt and I have been friends for about four years. In that time, we’ve each given the other reason for anger and near-hatred. I’m not going to go into details, and I trust Bob won’t either. Still, despite each of us having thought the other a rat-bastard, our friendship has endured. Each of us … Continue reading Don’t Check Your Set–Radio Silence from Here for a Couple Days
A certain man was a gardener, specializing in beautiful perennial gardens. Discarding modern, efficient techniques like fertilizer, irrigation and rotation, the man instead relied on intuition, caring and a search for perfection. For miles around, people came to see each year’s garden, observing the beauty of both change and continuity. The man was pleased to … Continue reading A Fable
Thirty-five years ago, I was in love. Oddly, the person I loved loved me as well. Her name was Sarah and she was from Texas by way of Brazil by way of Belgium by way of I’m not sure where else. We had our time together. It was a good time. Then she returned to … Continue reading Attention Poetry Lovers–Please Avoid This!