Unusual Bait, Unusual Fish: Non-Profit Jobs I Didn’t Know Existed

The results are starting to come in from my column the other day, my open letter to the universe about what job I should seek when it’s time to move on from here. With my bumbling short-term focus, I somehow failed to recognize this would lead to unorthodox job suggestions. It turns out a number … Continue reading Unusual Bait, Unusual Fish: Non-Profit Jobs I Didn’t Know Existed

Older than Kitty Carlisle, But the Same Age as the Barefoot Madonna

Crushes came easily to me as a boy. Unfortunately for me, I was exclusively a generator and never the recipient. To be fair to all the girls I knew, I was always the shortest boy in class, but made up for it by being loud, disruptive and, although I was occasionally amusing, offensive, having been … Continue reading Older than Kitty Carlisle, But the Same Age as the Barefoot Madonna

An Unorthodox Man’s Unorthodox Job Search

As you look over this open letter to the universe, remember you’re part of the ever-evolving and sometimes-improving Tupperware bowl of existence we call the universe. If you know of a job that fits this request, you’ll be helping yourself by helping the universe help me. Also, I’ll write you a sonnet or bake you … Continue reading An Unorthodox Man’s Unorthodox Job Search

America is NOT The Wasteland, Although I Can Be a Hollow Man

Those who have crossed With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom Remember us—if at all—not as lost Violent souls, but only As the hollow men The stuffed men. “The Hollow Men” by T.S. Eliot Donald Trump has done a lot of dumb things, a lot of crass things, a lot of cruel things and a … Continue reading America is NOT The Wasteland, Although I Can Be a Hollow Man

A Free-Association Scream (900 or so Words of Id-Driven Rage at Addiction Poured onto the Page without Editing or Re-Reading)

Larissa’s had another red-letter day/week/month with the same red-letteredness I brought on myself near the end of my drinking. Moving from mid- to end-stage alcoholism is distinguished by increasingly common losses (or throw-aways) and satisfaction with less and less and less in life. The border between the stages may come with the recognition that buying … Continue reading A Free-Association Scream (900 or so Words of Id-Driven Rage at Addiction Poured onto the Page without Editing or Re-Reading)

One-Hit Wonders and An Unguided Tour of One Mind Snapping

The artwork is the cover of The Knack’s Greatest Hits, which I imagine is 12 remixes of “My Sharona” and the Single Version of “Good Girls Don’t.” I’ve always loved one-hit wonders, from Wheatus (“Teenage Dirtbag”) to Thunderclap Newman (“Something in the Air”) to Johan Pachelbel (“Canon in D”) to Carl Douglas (“Kung-Fu Fighting”) to … Continue reading One-Hit Wonders and An Unguided Tour of One Mind Snapping